Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Google Chrome: WebKit Triumphant

Chrome: "Safari for Enterprises that have a bias against Apple but wish they had a browser that didn't suck."

Guess what? It's based on Safari WebKit.

Google Chrome is also Destined(TM) to become known as "the browser that finally liberated the internet from the tyranny of Microsoft Internet Explorer.

Oh, and if you are not yet convinced of the terrifying prescience of idiocracy, then you need to check out the architecture white-paper on Google Chrome.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

free pizza

Pizza Box is the comercial to best. If they can make Jerry as funny as the PC Guy... Sigh... My heart just isn't in this. I wish Ballmer would go find an actor and leave me out of it.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Ad campaign to revitalize Microsoft

Microsoft taps Seinfeld to el battle Apple in new ad campaign

"The upcoming campaign is to be "the brainchild of Crispin Porter + Bogusky, a Miami-based ad shop that has helped revitalize brands such as Burger King."

The Burger King brand has been revitalized? I must have missed that.

So, uh... the first I heard about appearing in commercials with Jerry Seinfeld was this morning. I told Ballmer, "Dude! I'm RETIRED. Do you know what that means?" and he said, "Hey, read your contract." Sigh. I'm going to be a laughing stock.

I'm going to be forced by contract to appear in not just one, but a series of commercials with a washed-up has-been comedian who is so sensitive about the fact that he hasn't done anything for over a decade that he brow beats nice little old Larry King. Larry just handed him a nice little freebee so he can remind the 50% of the viewing audience who has never heard of Jerry Seinfeld because they are too young, that Jerry was once The King of Television Comedy. No, Jerry's bristles, and open fire on Larry King, and doesn't let up.

Jerry, I founded a little company called Microsoft. Do you know who I am?

Good grief.

Problem is, we were apparently turned down by every young hip comedian on the planet, forget Chris Rock, we were turned down by A String, the B String, the C String... and even by G String amateur comedienne Mary Carey.

With Seinfeld on board, what might have been a cool, hip ad campaign, now will reek of desperation in nearly the same way that the right wing nut jobs do. They're out of gas. They're old and tired. People are catching on to their cynical bid for ever more power. As an example, listen to Rush Limbaugh, poster child for desperate talk radio nut jobs, faced with a nation that's tired of being hijacked by would-be theocracy founders who want to pencil out the Constitution one line at a time until the only thing left is the Second Amendment.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


Thanks to a friend who wrangled me an invitation to a beta program, I can now blog from anywhere with an iPhone (I'm not allowed to say "my iPhone", officially this unit is for opposition research). Well, for certain sets of "anywhere" which are also subsets of the AT&T definition for "nation wide coverage", which is not all that much like "anywhere" as we normally think of it. Still, it's liberating, compared to the laptop wifi universe of coffee shops and hotel lobbies. iPhone will completely change the world of blogging.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Apple slips the purple helmeted shaft to iPhone developers

A frustrated iPhone developer blind carbon copied me on this email they sent to Apple:

Sonofadamnbitch I'm so fucking mad at all you fucking iPhone Application Store fucks at fucking Apple.

Whatever the fuck you did to fuck our database record so we can't generate a proper certificate, which in turn prevents us from shipping the application we invested many tens of thousand of dollars to build, which in turn prevents us from generating any revenue from the application, is *still* not fucking fixed, even though you've told us several times now, "OK, it's fixed."

Every fucking week it's the same fucking thing.
We fixed it.
No you fucking didn't.
Wait. Wait. Wait.
It's fixed now.
No, no it's fucking bloody not fucking fixed.

If I wanted this kind of fucking treatment, I would develop applications for fucking Microsoft. Oh, wait. If I did that, a simple fucking db error at Microsoft wouldn't BLOCK REVENUE GENERATION FOR A MONTH WITH NO HOPE IN SIGHT WHILE MY LAME-ASS COMPETITION RUNS OFF WITH MY MARKET SHARE.


This is the kind of thing that drives developers into becoming postal workers as a lifestyle stress reduction step.


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Zune Tatoo Guy Switches to iPod Touch

The Money Quote from an iPhone Savior interview with the Zune Tattoo Guy:
"I did not get my tattoos to be intentionally bashed, nor did I make my recent announcement and jump to iPod to bring back those attackers. I'm doing this because I can see the future and the Zune just isn't part of the future."

Unlike me, he cannot see the future until it gets really, really close to his face.

That video is the Zune Tattoo Guy's farewell video to YouTube, which he posted about his conversion.

Did somebody forget to send his monthly shipment of Twinkies, or what? I'm so glad this isn't my problem, any longer.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Symbian is toast

Here's why Symbian is not relevant.

1. They have a Vice President of Strategy
2. Who says that their goal is for symbian OS "to become the most widely used software on the planet"
3. And who says that in order to achieve their goal they need:
(a) new offices,
(b) a new system of voting.

John Forsyth actually thinks that changing the way the committee of Symbian deciders (sarcasm intended) decide what the default colors are and which of four unfathomable options will become the new default icon for "send an email" will make any diference.

new symbian launches mobile free-for-all

Hint: it's the lousy lowest common destupidator approach which will be your undoing. Microsoft, at least, will be capable of learning the right lessions from iPhone. It's probably a bit too early to short any stock tied up with symbian, but that day will come.

Hint 2: with 2 billion cell phones on the planet, the vast majority of them designed in the Bi (Before iPhone) era, in all liklihood symbian already blew its chance o become the most widely used software on the planet. Set some goals that might cause companies to stop trying (in vain) to license OSX, and maybe you'll get a second chance.